Hello stranger, I hope this post finds you well, if you do see this.
Almost 44 hours ago, I headed down to buy some juice, a boring affair, curse them cravings. But in my drowsing, I grabbed a hand instead of the fridge door. I blurted something along the lines of ‘I’m sorry, was aiming for the juice.’ or something like that. She said something like ‘your hand’s rather cold, are you okay?’. Huh? I told her it was probably the fridge, no big deal.
Who knew that this was the start of the sleepiest day I will ever have in school, but that’s a little further down the road. Let’s rewind a little.
We talked about everything and nothing. Like idle conversations that you’d make with strangers that just discovered you. It was almost like being on Omegle, where strangers talked to each other as if they were the best of friends, it was unsettling. Yet, I’ve not met another who fascinates me so, whose questions permeate through the air, so viscous, so addictive, that I cannot but help try to fulfil them with an uneasy mirth.
Names were not necessary for we had a connection.
It could be the alcohol that I’ve had, or that I had a hearty time hanging out with a couple of friends ‘til late. I won’t know, but strangers are interesting. They don’t have to keep secrets for you, because your secrets hold no weight in their circle, they’re but abstracts of some other stranger’s life.
So we talked and we tried to analyze how the other behaved, her analysis, however, is left out.
I’m heartless at times, she noted, because I don’t pay as much attention as I should, as I would, in the face of another girl. But I can’t help that, I retorted, for my politeness and keen are but parasitic beasts that feed upon perceived beauty, regardless of race, age or gender. This is why I like to hang out with people individually, to prevent this bias from surfacing.
I am a fool, she quipped, for I gambled with relationships wholeheartedly, unabashedly against my better judgement. I gave her a smile, the only one I reserved for the warmest of hearts. Everything I possess mean nothing to me, I replied, not the money, nor the items that litter my room, nor the books that fill my cupboards. It was the quest for that missing puzzle piece that drives me to such means.
So the question keeping me here, awake and stuck at this post for so long is this:
‘But why do you do this to yourself?’
I wasn’t prepared to answer that, so I told her that if we ever cross paths again, I’d tell her why.
Conversation delved into other topics such as hobbies, idols and personal history. I reached home for an hour of reading and juice before heading out for school.
But to answer her, I guess I was not looking for love, everything up till now has been an experiment to find out if ‘true love’ even exists. Once this hypothesis is proven, the result would of course be an added incentive. If all I’ve done proves itself to be naught, then I’d leave satisfied, knowing that this quest has been put to rest.
Joan had once completed the puzzle, but after she left, I realised that the hole shrank, it was no longer as draining or as yearning as before. There was no need for something large, powerful or meaningful to fill that void, for the space that was left was wide but shallow.
I’ve just been looking for answers to questions I don’t really care for.
Huh, what do you know, this epiphany is gonna plague me for the next few days.
wiing 5:22 pm on October 18, 2009 Permalink |
Strangers indeed are interesting and addictive.
LOUIS LET YOURSELF FALL IN LOVE! Puhlease
wiing 5:23 pm on October 18, 2009 Permalink |
WOW i didn’t realise the post is that long ago. Happy(belated) birthday louis.
gettingaclue 7:37 am on October 19, 2009 Permalink
Haha, thanks, oh and happy birthday to you too, belated or otherwise, my dates are so messed up lately. LOL
As for falling in love, I think I’m done with it.
I’ll see you soon.